It is time for another post and I had planned to post another chapter today for my book in progress, “Year 2038 Bug”. I have finished the chapter but I am struggling with editing and cleaning it up before posting. So I will post it a day late, after I’ve had a chance to clean it up.
Which leads me to the difficulties I’ve had lately with writing. Like many other creative people I deal with depression and lately I have not had the energy to sit down and write. I suspect many people picture depression as someone sitting in a corner weeping but that is only one aspect of it. Depression can consist of low energy, difficulties with sleeping and eating, lack of motivation and at times, anger. I have my own personal classification of the different aspects of depression and I consider depression and crying as a ‘bluesy’ type of depression where I feel very sensitive about things and crying is a way to relieve my discomfort or unhappiness with parts of my life. For me, this is a lighter type of depression and once I have vented the emotions I tend to feel better and I can move on with life.
The type of depression I tend to deal with is the lack of motivation along with fuzzy thinking. I have a lot of experience in wearing a mask to hide how I feel and continue to function although close friends and family can tell that I’m not completely myself. I can work on tasks that I’ve started but it is very difficult to start new tasks and focus on them. I have had more of that problem over the last few weeks, which is part of the reason I am taking some time off from work this week.
I suspect that part of my depression is caused by mental and physical weariness since I’ve noticed that I have more problems if I have had a very busy schedule for several weeks or months. After the busy time is over I tend to feel exhausted and I’m ready to take a break from everything but since I have things I need to do I don’t get breaks as often as I might like. I continue to develop strategies to deal with these times but in the meantime I still have these low periods where I have little interest in working on my creative projects or starting new things. I wanted to share for other writers who also struggle with the lack of motivation or writer’s block and let you know, you aren’t alone. I will say that setting up a schedule and committing to it has helped me a great deal. This is the first time in a year where I’ve had a problem with posting and I feel better in looking over my history of posts. They help me to feel that this is temporary and that I am accomplishing something in spite of depression and its challenges.
At least I am feeling a little more energy for these types of tasks so now it’s just a matter of getting back into the habit of writing. I will be glad to get this next chapter finished, although I’m not sure how many people are actually reading this book. Ah well, I am satisfied with it, I am capturing the story in my head, even if it goes slower than I might like.
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